How is your Heart? — Yoshin Coaching and Consulting

I do a lot of things.

My days are very full, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed.

Probably the biggest question I am asked by my friends is "how do you do all the things you do?"

I always grin when I hear this, and usually I feel a little embarrassed. I find myself minimizing my activities, or expressing regret that I am so active. If I am in a state of panic, as I was this weekend, I will say "I am too busy and I need to get a grip!", or I will confess that I am a workaholic.

Indeed, our modern culture’s stock response to the question “How are you?” seems to be a frenzied “BUSY!!!”, an answer that is met with a nod of approval and commiseration.

I recently read a wonderful article on this very idea. It introduced me to a lovely custom in many Islamic countries: rather than ask “How are you?”, they will inquire: “Kayf haal-ik?”: How is your heart in this moment?

I like this question because it directs us away from listing all the things we are Doing, to the way in which we are Being (or in my ever-affected spellling, Beeing.)

It turns out that my heart doesn’t ever seem to bee busy, even though my mind usually is.

When I check in with my heart and answer from it, not only is my assessment more peaceful and open, my actual experience of the moment is different as well. Accessing the heart, and diverting from the mind I am more lively, engaged, and present. Speaking from the heart, I am connected and loving and compassionate. Connecting from the heart, I find I am better able to listen.

Even though I often overdo it, the truth is I love my life, and I am delighted to bee able to play a role in so many worthy endeavors. As a self-diagnostic, I spent an hour listing them all on Sunday, and I must admit the list was both impressive and absurd. However, when I tried to find something to cross off, I had great difficulty. I simply love all this Doing!

In the past, I often overcommitted out of shadow - my internal belief that I was flawed and not good enough - which led me to say yes to everything in a desperate attempt to bee liked and validated.

This often led to much wailing and gnashing of teeth: because I wasn't truly invested in these projects, I often resented them and felt pressed and stuck. I'd become angry and bitter, and create a story about how hard my life was, how busy, how joyless, and how much I needed a vacation.

Today I still have that shadow belief about myself - it will never go away - but because I am now aware of it and fluent with it, I seldom allow it to drive my bus anymore.

Instead, now when I am deciding whether to get involved in a project I engage in a thorough process of discernment: I ask myself: is this something I truly want to do? Is it something that will benefit from my unique skill set and ability? Is there someone else that can or will do it? Will it bring me joy, or is it just a pain-reliever for sad shadow?

When I have fully grokked these inquiries, I check in with my heart and my gut and then, I wait. I take a cooling off period, waiting for at least a day or two.

After that, I ask myself again the questions, consider them deeply, and only then do I make a call.

On the other side of the boundary-setting coin, I have also intentionally taken more space for me in my life as well.

I am now sitting in meditation for 45 -50 minutes day (25 in the early am, and then 2-3 shorter sits the rest of the day.) I take refuge in my writing of this blog, and in my writing and reading of poetry. I play my guitar and sing lugubrious songs. I listen to podcasts when I am taking long walks with Trixy the dog. I banter with my thirteen year old daughter Anya, and play backgammon with my eleven year old son Enzo.I tickle my beeloved wife, and we dance in the kitchen, and play cards, and talk before we go to sleep.

So to return to the big question my friends always pose, “How do I do so much?", here is my answer:

I don't sleep a lot, usually about 6 hours a night, with a power nap here and there during the day.

I also don't watch much TV, or read the paper, or listen to news, or watch sports, except for the Giants now and then.

I exercise by riding my bike to work, and then I do pushups next to my desk.

I am efficient.

Though I truly suck at multi-tasking (okay, newsflash everyone does!) I am a very good juggler! I keep lot of balls in the air, only ever touching one at a time, with great focus and intention.

And as I said, I am choosy about the balls I touch.*

And now to answer the real question: “How is my heart?”

My heart is full of wonder and tenderness and compassion. My heart is broken open, again and again, as I witness the suffering in this world. My heart is sometimes constricted with fear and shame, and then in turn expanded with forgiveness and connection. My heart is alive and beating with the rhythm of the universe. My heart is strong and clear and brimming with joy and gratitude. My heart is full.

Blessedly, these things are true even when I am busy. Even when I am overwhelmed. Even when I am not sure how I will get it all done. I remember this when I am able to pause and bee still and speak from my heart.

How is your heart?

* Ha!